Trojan Condom Company, Inc.

6944 Slippery Root Dr.

Bendover, Miss. 10169

Mr. Brown,

We regret to inform you that your application to model Trojan condoms has been rejected. Although your general appearance is not totally displeasing, our Board of Directors feel that you do not achieve the positive, romantic image we are seeking for our product. A loose, baggy condom does not promote a romantic image. Your ingenious use of polygrip is admirable, but unfortunately, even that did not result in securing our product in place long enough for photographs to be taken. Your interest in Trojan condoms is appreciated and we will retain your application on file in case the market for Micro-mini condoms ever shows potential for development. Along with our thanks to you, we send your wife our deepest sympathy.

Yours truly,

Peter Skinner

Trojan Condom Co.

PS-Remember our slogan:

• Cover your stump before you hump.
• Don't be silly, protect your Willie.
• Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
• Before you attack her, wrap your wacker.
• If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!!!!