22 Things Not To Say In An Interview

Being that time of year for interviews .. this might help some of you out :)

1. ...and I always try to present a professional image. By the way, did I mention that I'm not wearing any underwear?
2. Can we make this quick? Oprah's on in 15 minutes.
3. This job is merely a stepping stone towards my ultimate goal of becoming the Almighty Supreme Being.
4. Convicted of a felony? No, but I'd certainly like to try.
5. Say, didn't I see you on 60 Minutes?
6. Could you notify my parole officer that I've found a job?
7. You will only refer to me as 'Mistress Ken', and you will speak only after I beat the answer out of your weak, but willing, flesh. Understand?
8. Damn! Your nose hairs are long enough to braid!
9. Where's the ladies room? I gotta big-time wedgie.
10. When ya been in da' big house as long as me, ya don't need no office wid no window.
11. I ain't never used no computer, but I reckon I could give it a whirl.
12. You gonna eat the rest of that sandwich?
13. What will I be doing in 5 years? Watching you beg for your job, pal.
14. Hey, pull my finger!
15. Don't you want me to turn my head and cough?
16. When I saw Sally Struthers endorsing it, I knew it was the college for me.
17. So the presidential motorcade passes right under this window, eh?
18. References, schmeferences -- We're talking trust here, babe.
19. Ooh! Ooh! I got a good one! Gimme a match, quick!!
20. My salary requirements? Just keep those Corn Nuts a-comin'!"
21. Qualifications? I got your qualifications right here!"
22. I brought some buds, dude, wanna spark a bowl?"