* You can play softball as much or as little as you want; YOU get to decide.

* After an unusually long and difficult softball game you can still ride your bike home.

* In softball, the other team pays attention throughout, even if they're done scoring.

* If you have to take a leak during a softball game, you can say "Excuse me, I gotta drain the swamp," and you don't lose style points.

* In softball, nobody comments on the size of your bat, as long as you know what to do with it.

* In softball, you don't feel guilty about winning the ugly ones.

* In softball, you don't have to compliment the other team on how good they look in their new uniforms.

* You don't have to buy the other team dinner to get a game.

* If you get all scratched up in a softball game, you can brag about it to your wife.

* In softball, if you go a couple months without scoring, your balls don't hurt.

* In softball, you can play the same team every day for a year and it's never the same twice.

* You don't mind if your parents come to watch you play softball.

* You can play three, maybe four softball games a day.

* In softball, it's no concern of yours if the other team has had marital relations with diseased livestock.

* In a good weekend of softball, you can play six or seven different teams and it only costs you twenty bucks and you may get a prize at

the end.

* Playing the wrong softball team won't get you shot.

* You can be absolutely certain that, nine months after a softball game, the other team's lawyers won't call, asking for half of your

pre-tax income for the next eighteen years.

* Rest assured that the other team will not invite you to the ballet.

* The other team doesn't demand that you shave before the game.

* The other team can smell like road kill and you'll never know it.

* If you don't score in a softball game, the other team doesn't ask you if you have that problem often.

* No matter how drunk the other team is, they never throw up in your bed.